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Healing from Unwanted Sexual Behavior

"In difficult moments I will fix my gaze upon the silent heart of Jesus, Stretched upon the cross, and from the exploding flames of his merciful heart, Will flow down upon me power and strength to keep fighting"

- Saint Faustina

"So, I will see you this evening at 6pm" confirmed Katie. She was talking with her new crush, Jayson. They met at the coffee shop in town where Katie gets her Latte every morning. Jayson works there part time while finishing up his studies in graduate school. Katie was hoping this one would be "the one." She was searching for the right guy ever since she was a freshman in college. She was now in her late 30's. They met that evening at the popular Italian restaurant near Jayson's work. It was a romantic evening with a walk after dinner and dessert at Katie's apartment. Jayson ended up staying the night. She woke up the next morning with Jayson greeting her with a smile. She thought to herself "wow, the sex last night was great. I am soooo in love with him." He made her breakfast and later that day, they parted ways. He told her that he would give her call later that evening. The evening came with no phone call. The next day, she called Jayson, but got his voicemail. Sunday went by, and Katie still had not heard back from Jayson. Monday came and went, as well as Tuesday and still no phone call. It was now Wednesday. Katie was hoping to see Jayson at the coffee shop and knew that Wednesday is his usual morning shift. Katie walked into the coffee shop. Their eyes met briefly, but then Jayson looked away. She went up to him to order her Latte and asked him "hey, did you get my voice mail?" Jayson hesitated and said "yea, I have been busy." He hesitated again and then continued " well..... the truth is, I really don't want to continue seeing you." Katie's mouth dropped and her heart sank. She was heartbroken. "What do you mean? you don't want to see me? I thought this past weekend, was great." Katie replied. Jayson, responded with "the sex was great, but that was it. It was just sex. I don't want a relationship." Katie was devastated. She thought to herself "not again." This was not the first time Katie slept with one of her crushes. She has a habit of having sex with multiple people and usually when she first meets them. Katie was unsure of how many people she slept with. She lost count after awhile. She was sick of the hook ups. "How can this happen again. I am so stupid. I can't believe I fell for this guy." She kept thinking in her head. With much disgust and shame, Katie kept in the tears and left without saying goodbye.

Katie's story is one example of how we try to fill a hole in our hearts. Katie was looking for love and acceptance and thought that sex was the cure. But instead of filling the hole and fixing the problem, it left her feeling shameful, depressed and alone. We don't know the background story of Katie's hookups and why she was in a habitual cycle. But, what we do know is, that Katie was tired of her behavior. She wanted a change. Some of us try to fill that empty hole (like Katie had) with sex, drugs, alcohol, pornography or something else. When there is sexual trauma (or any other kind of trauma) from childhood, it can manifest to unwanted sexual behaviors as adults. Unwanted sexual behavior means that it's behavior that is disordered; it's not part of God's plan for sex. We can either have problems in our current relationships and avoid sex or have multiple sex partners (hook-ups). Other unwanted (disordered) sexual behaviors are: viewing pornography, masturbation, sodomy issues, fornication, incest, bestiality, using sex toys, and homosexual sex (attraction is different than the sexual act). These unwanted sexual behaviors don't satisfy the human heart. They are all deviations of what we are really meant for.

Not only are these sexual behaviors unsatisfying, but they are sinful which separates us from God. This is something that our culture doesn't mention. We live in a very "over-sexualized culture" where sex is portrayed as pleasure. Everything is filled with sex - the movies, TV shows, bulletin boards, social media, and even in our schools. Sex is a wonderful thing (and can be pleasurable) when it's used in it's proper context. God made sex for unification and pro-creation. The sexual act is love shared between both persons where one is giving oneself to the other. It's a selfless act, not a selfish act. It is so powerful that nine months later, you can give it a name. When a man and a woman have sex, it represents the Holy Trinity and it's the closest a person can get to God on earth (other than receiving the Eucharist at Mass). It says in Mark, chapter 10:8-9 "and the two shall become one flesh, so they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no man seperate." If you would like to learn more about how God created us for love, check out the teaching on Theology of the Body. The website is Christopher West has a few great books on the topic, as well as Fr. Mike Schmitz.

The sexual act is not only physical, but it's also spiritual. When engaging in sex, our souls become tied with the other person. Soul ties are bonds that bring people together. It is a spiritual attachment to another human being. If we have sex with someone and break up with that person, then half of our soul is still attached to the other person. This is why breakups with a person you've had sex with are so much more painful than breakups that don't involve sex. And if we have sex with multiple people, then our souls are still attached to those people. We can also open up ourselves to negativity with soul ties, espeically if the other person has anger, rage, addictions, depression, anxiety, or if the person is involved with the occult. The good news is, that we can break soul ties.

Soul Ties can be broken through deliverance prayer. In the Unbound Deliverance model, we lead the person in saying "In the name of Jesus, I renounce every unholy spiritual and physical tie with (fill in the person's name) and I take back the authority I gave to him/her. In the case of someone was raped or molested, we lead them in saying " In the name of Jesus, I renounce the unholy tie with (perons' name or the person who raped me) and I take back the authority he/she took from me." This is just one step in the model. In order to be completely free, the person receiving prayer goes through the 5 keys. The first key is repentance and Faith. Feeling sorry and having true contrition is important in this key. This is brought before Jesus, and the interviewer leads them in a prayer of repentance. Without it, the door will not be open to freedom. The second key is to go through all the people the person needs to forgive. Unforgiveness hardens the heart and blocks the love of God. The third key is renunciation. The person renounces "in the name of Jesus, I renouce the spirit of lust." Renuncation means that the person is done with the behavior and wants to change (doesn't want to go back to it). The Fourth key is taking authority where the interviewer takes authority over all the spirits the person has renounced. The final key is the Father's Blessing from God spoken through the interviewer and intercessors.

Unbound Prayer is a very powerful prayer ministry. Many people are led to freedom in Christ, including myself. I recieved Unbound Prayer many years ago and still feel the effects of it. As a mental health therapist, my work in helping people recover from addictions, manage their anxiety, depression and habitual behaviors has been rewarding and a blessing. I use therapy models and skills I learned in graduate school and in my clinical training. EMDR (eye movement desensitzation and reprocessing), DBT (Dialectical Behavioal Therapy) and CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) are great models to use with clients who have had trauma in their lives. All of these models are great to use, but Jesus is the ultimate healer. I always bring Him up in session and ask if a person would like to invite Him in. Once a person invites Jesus into their hearts, His love heals. However, this is easier said than done. It can be a struggle to get through the unwanted sexual behaviors. In my other job as a DRE at St. Thomas church, I hear from some people how it can be frustrating when they go to confession; confessing their sins, and then a week later commit the same sin over again. My response to them is to encourage them to go back to confession. Don't give up. We get a lot of grace from the Sacraments (God's life in us). Our whole life is a spiritual battle. We have to perservere and keep fighting for the good. Jesus is always there to welcome us back, to help us when we fall. We can also call on the Saints to help us on this journey through life as well.

In Conclusion: Don't give up. Keep persuing virtue. If you struggle with an unwanted sexual behavior, there is help and you are not alone. Unwanted sexual behaviors are both physical and spiritual. It's important to address both for healing. If you are interested in coming to a Freedom in Christ Conference, please visit: and register. Next Conference is June 22nd at St. Thomas Church in West Springfield, MA. Or if you would like Unbound Prayer, also contact the number on the website.

About the Author: Donna L. Marotto is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, a Director of Faith Formation in the Diocese of Springfield, MA and a Lay Franciscan. If you would like to email her, please do so at or visit her website at She also published a book titled Love Changes Everything that can be purchased on Amazon.

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